Check on Your Strong Sisters
a reflection on strong Black women who never miss a beat
Matthew 28:1-7
I admire strong Black women. From Salinas, California to Louisville, Kentucky I have witnessed the lived experiences of strong Black women who in spite of life serving them lemons, were able to make lemonade, lemon pie, and lemon chicken, while not missing a single beat. I grew up around women who were not fed with silver spoons and learned how to “make a dollar out of fifteen cents,” “get it out of the mud,” and “off of the roof.” Strong women like my mother, sisters, aunties, and grandmothers who in spite of living in a country that dehumanized their womanhood and stigmatized their Blackness, committed themselves to the wellbeing of others. These women have sacrificed much of themselves to ensure that everyone around them was attended to and cared for. These are strong Black women who never miss a beat.
I am now a clergywoman and I have the privilege of witnessing so many more strong women. These strong women of God are getting ish done, defending dissertations, making tenure in academia, sprinkling Black Girl Magic dust from the pulpit to the pavement, from the classroom to the courtroom, and from the mission field to the marketplace.
These are women who ‘take a licking and keep on ticking”
These are women who work tirelessly to never “drop the ball.”
These are women who are like the energizer bunny. They keep “going, and going and going.”
These are strong Black women who never miss a beat.
In Too Heavy a Yoke: Black Women and the Burden of Strength, Chaneqa Wilkes-Barnes describes the StrongBlackWoman as one who “invests considerable effort in maintaining the appearance of strength and suppresses all behaviors, emotions, and thoughts that might contradict or threaten that image.” This happens when we live into the combined sayings of “if I don’t do it, it won’t get done” added to “never let them see you sweat.” Even as the physical and psychological toll of her excessive caregiving mount up, Wilkes- Barnes states, “she maintains a façade of having it all together and being in control.”
In Matthew 28:1-7 we encounter two strong Sisters who have been committed to Jesus and His ministry. Mary Magdalene and the other Mary who I am naming Mary J, have come to see Jesus’ tomb. These sisters have traveled with Jesus and served the ministry with their time, talent and treasure. Their commitment to ministry has exposed them to drama and trauma. They witnessed Jesus’ unjust trial and conviction. They witnessed as Jesus was shamefully scourged, beaten, and crucified. They experienced a similar pain that many Black mothers in America have experienced who feel helpless as their sons, daughters, and loved ones are swallowed up in the criminal injustice system and harmed by white structural violence. With broken and traumatized hearts, these strong women sat opposite the tomb as Jesus’ battered and bruised body was laid to rest. They must have been carrying an immeasurable load of pain, unfathomable sorrow, and immense grief, and yet here they are at the tomb at the crack of dawn.
Always showing up.
Always present.
Not missing a beat.
Strong women will show up by any means necessary.
Cured of evil spirits, infirmities, and seven demons cast out…still not missing a beat.
High ACEs scores from abandonment, physical and emotional abuse ...still not missing a beat.
Been overlooked, underpaid, overworked, and underappreciated…still not missing a beat.
Excelling with ADD, anxiety, and imposter syndrome on our mind...still not missing a beat.
Feeling vicarious trauma from proximity to too much Black suffering…still not missing a beat.
Tired of pouring from an empty cup….and still not missing a beat.
And yet I have questions:
When do strong women take time to breathe and lament?
How do strong women ask for help when everyone around them sees them as the helper?
Who checks on the strong friends who appear to have it all together?
In the words of Audre Lorde “caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.”
So, what is at stake for strong Black women who never miss a beat?
Her life.
Her life is at stake.
Her mental, physical, spiritual, and emotional well-being is at stake.
Her health is at stake.
Studies show that Black women are already disproportionately plagued with higher rates of heart disease, diabetes, strokes, and high blood pressure. Black women are more likely to die from breast cancer. Navigating busy schedules, attending to all the things, while never missing a beat usually equates to strong Black women placing themselves on the back burner, resulting in little to no exercise, obesity, and inconsistent mental health care. Strong Black women too often prioritize everyone but themselves and are continuously applauded for not missing a beat.
In this Matthean text, I celebrate that the angel of the Lord descends from heaven and upon seeing the guards who are visibly scared to death, allows them to remain in a dead state, while speaks to the women and stilling the unspoken fear inside of them.
I celebrate that the angel of the Lord names their fear for them. Sometimes we need someone to look beneath our façade and name the fears that we refuse to voice or don’t have the strength to voice.
I celebrate that the angel of the Lord calls the women to the tomb so that they did not waste their morning on a dry run.
I celebrate that the angel of the Lord confirms that the words of Jesus the women were holding onto as they traveled to the tomb were true. “He is not here; for he has been raised, as he said.” After all, they arrived at the tomb not to embalm Jesus’ body, but to witness the manifestation of his Word.
I, along with many women who preach the gospel of Jesus Christ celebrate that in verse 7 these women were sent by God to be the first to proclaim to the other disciples the Good News that Jesus has been raised from the dead. Glory! Hallelujah! I celebrate the call on their lives and the assignment before them!
And yet there is tension in the text that causes me to pause and ponder. Why would the angel of the Lord command the women to “go quickly,” and proclaim the Good News about a resurrected savior while their own traumatized souls were decaying? The angel of the Lord named their fear, but did the angel see their pain? Mary Magdalene and Mary J have experienced a chain of traumatic events and with little to no time to tend to their weary souls, the angel of the Lord does not offer them a moment to rest. I understand the urgency of the moment. And yet, I imagine in this text the angel of the Lord giving the women a moment of rest while offering them some bread from heaven. I imagine the angel of the Lord ministering to the women while offering a cup of cold water. While in CPE training I learned quickly that there is a ministry in a cold cup of water. Who offers a cold cup of water to women who continue pouring into others even as their own cups are empty?
Walker-Barnes remind us that the “church reinforces the mythology of the StrongBlackWoman by silencing, ignoring and even romanticizing the suffering of Black women.” Black women must advocate for their own self-care and encourage other women to do the same because the church will allow them to run on empty for the sake of ministry. Wilkes-Barnes contends that “imprisoned within the unholy trinity of self-denial, suffering, and silence, the Christian StrongBlackWoman serves as the modern sacrificial lamb, with the church functioning as both the officiating priest and the altar of the ungodly fire.” What does it profit strong Black women to be publicly effective in ministry while privately losing their own soul?
I admire strong Black women more today than ever before. I want to see Black women continue to win, but most importantly I want to see Black women whole. Beloved, I pray that in all respects you may prosper and be in good health, just as your soul prospers (3 John 1:12). On this Resurrection Sunday, be reminded that we serve a risen Savior who came so you can have life more abundantly.
Go quickly, and check on the Mary’s in your life who are selflessly following Jesus.
Go quickly, and check on your strong sisters who have served through this pandemic without missing a beat.
Go quickly, and check on your strong sisters who are effortlessly managing motherhood, marriage, and ministry, tending to their grandchildren and parents, fighting for social justice, and working to dismantle systemic oppression.
Go quickly and check on your strong sisters.
Celebrate her and inquire about her soul-tending sabbath practices.
Remind her to breathe and drink water.
Remind her to pencil her own self in on her calendar.
Remind her that the ministry is not more important than the minister.
She may not be missing a beat publicly, but her soul may be crying out privately.
Go quickly, and check on your strong sisters.
Reverend Annettra Jones is a practical theologian who cares deeply about how theology “hits the ground.” She is a provisional elder in the Indiana Conference of the UMC and the former Associate Pastor of St. Andrew UMC. Rev Annettra is the newly appointed Associate Director of Diversity, Missions, and Justice Ministries, tasked with leading the anti-racism efforts for over 1000 churches, clergy, and laity. In addition, she is a certified life coach and Qualified Administrator for the Intercultural Development Inventory (IDI). She ministers via her public profile Daily Becoming w/ Rev. Annettra where she leads anti-racism studies and uses her personal testimony as an overcomer to inspire women to “Daily Become The Woman of their Dreams.” Rev. Annettra is a graduate of the Louisville Presbyterian Theological Seminary.