Suffering In Silence
(John 13:21-32)
Silence can be one of the most therapeutic and deafening moments one can encounter. Many people are often confused in silence, finding these moments awkward and uncomfortable. Whether it's the moment you receive a life-giving or suffocating message, it's usually accompanied by silence. We are so used to noise that silence appears to be inconvenient. We live in a world of constant movement, constant bombardment of information, and we're always waiting for the next line, the next tweet, the next status to pop up in our notifications. Then there is silence induced by trauma. Whether that trauma is violence, fear, or hate, silence is often the best language to convey what is occurring to us physically and psychologically.
Silence is one of the complex characters we find in the story of Jesus at the Last Supper. Jesus finished a beautiful act of servitude by washing the feet of his disciples and then enjoyed his last meal with his followers before his death. John 13: 21 begins by stating Jesus was troubled in his spirit. This troubling can be interpreted as his intuition foreshadowing what was to come.
Knowing that someone with a record of questionable ethics followed and claimed to love him, was also about to betray him. Jesus knew that this act would begin the snowball of events that led to Resurrection and Salvation, and this doesn’t mean there wasn’t any troubling in his spirit. One may reflect betrayal may have been better coming from a foe, someone you know means you no good, but to come from a friend is more than a notion to swallow. However, the will of God prevailed. At the moment when Jesus dipped the bread and gave it to Judas saying, “Hurry and do what you're going to do,” the events leading to his death and Resurrection began. But, at this moment, during and after Jesus’ words to Judas, there is SILENCE. No one in the room is aware of what is going on, no one can advocate or stand in the gap. This begins Jesus’ suffering in silence.
As African American women in this nation, we are often put in positions where we are pushed to suffer in silence. Whether there is an absence of noise, absence of a push back or clap back, we are often silenced for the “better good,” or to be the “better person,” and this doesn’t leave us without troubling in our spirits. We, like Jesus, have moments when the outcome and response of our reaction may not outweigh the cost of our silence, but it doesn’t mean we are not suffering.
During the confirmation hearings of Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson the world watched as she was challenged. The world watched this beautiful Black woman, with an ivy league education, who served in more courts than any of her predecessors, endure hours of unnecessary, unreasonable, laughable, disdaining questioning of her character. Judge Ketanji Jackson was more than qualified for this great appointment because she was a Black woman standing strong, with an impeccable personal and professional record. Many who questioned her just knew there was something to be found and were determined to find it. Judge Jackson had to sit and endure the ridiculous questioning, knowing that every response, every brow bend, every smile, or every frown would be scrutinized and used against her. Judge Jackson was fully aware of what this moment meant for her, her daughters, and all Black and Brown women and girls in the world. And because of this, she had to suffer in silence. Many of us are all too familiar with moments we must choose between defense and silence.
As I am writing this, Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson has been confirmed by the Senate and is now the first Black woman to serve as justice on the Supreme Court. This is beyond remarkable and well-earned and deserved. This honor did not come freely, there was a cost she paid. As we live in the greatness of God some costs have been paid on our behalf…even in silence. It is only through God’s strength, mercy, and grace that we are able to find ways to sustain and receive the reward on the other side.
Prayer: Dear Gracious and Loving God, for the moments of sufferable silence we endured, we thank you for never leaving our side. Thank you for the gift of tenacity you give each of us. Let us be reminded of the cross when the silence becomes too hard to endure. Give us grace in these silent moments to move forward in power. In Jesus' name, AMEN.
Rev. Tennille Power currently serves as the Senior Pastor of Hazel Crest Community United Methodist Church and the CEO and Creative Director of Serenity Coaching and Counseling. She is a proud Chicago native and currently resides in the South Suburbs of Cook County. She holds advanced degrees in theology and counseling. Her passion centers around Womanist Theology and Gender issues; marrying theology and psychology, specifically working with clients and congregants around trauma. In addition to pastoring and mental health counseling, Rev. Power is a trained yoga instructor and believes in the wholeness of wellbeing of all.